Into The Deep
by Catastrophia
Summary: After an accident took Bella's parents, she is forced to live with her new guardian, family friend Edward Cullen. She's been drifting through life for the last year in a daze. Will Edward be able to get through to her and wake her from her living nightmare? Will her looming eighteenth birthday separate them, or bring them closer together?
1. Chapter 1

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**New story because I wanted to give you all something while I'm working on some other things.**

**Enjoy!**

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Into the Deep

I stared down at the water, its depth inviting. Just stared at the crystal clear blue.

Blue. What a perfect description for my mood. But if you'd had the kind of year I did, you'd use that color to describe how you felt as well.

"Just jump already!" a voice yelled from behind me.

So I did. Arms stretched out in front of me, breaking the water as I dove.

Then it overtook me.

Peace.

Gliding through the water, washing everything away; the tears, the fear, the pain, the loneliness.

I was empty, but in the water I was free.

My head broke the surface and reality crashed back down on me. The noise, the kids, the families.

"Bella," a familiar voice called to me. It was stern and a shiver ran down my spine. "Come on, get out of the pool."

I looked up to glare at him, his own eyes covered by sunglasses, bronze hair glinting in the sun. He was still in his fucking suit. At the community pool.

I dove back beneath the surface, splashing him a bit in the process, but I didn't care. I just needed to forget why he was there.

Freedom.

It was brief, as it always was, and when I resurfaced he was standing before me again.

"Out. Now," he stressed, grabbing for my arm which I quickly wrenched away.

"I can get out by myself," I spat up at him, glaring. I knew we had an audience, and I really didn't want to draw more attention to me; I'd had enough.

I climbed out, the water falling away in rivulets. I noticed he was watching as they moved around my bikini clad body. My steps were light as I strode across the hot concrete as fast as possible, wrapping my towel around me, drying off as I pulled out my shorts and tank top from my bag. I dressed and slipped on my flip flops, grabbing my stuff and putting on my sunglasses as I stood in front of him.

His jaw was clenched tight, walking next to me as we headed out to the parking lot and climbed into his BMW.

"Are you going to tell me what the fuck you thought you were doing there?" he questioned, the tires screeching as he pulled out of the neighborhood.

My eyes never left the mirror as I said goodbye again to the place that used to be home.

"What? I was swimming."

"Bella, you don't live there anymore. You can't just walk in like it's your neighborhood. It's a community pool, for residents only."

My arms crossed my chest and I sunk further into the seat.

"What does it matter anyway?"

"It matters. They could have called the cops, had you arrested for trespassing. They felt pity on you and called me."

"I don't want their pity," I replied, turning my attention to the window, watching the world fly by.

He heaved a sigh. "Bella, if this is going to work, you have to trust me. I only have your best interests and your future in mind."

"Well, you can stop. I don't know why they left me with you anyway. I'd only met you a handful of times before…before…" I trailed off, tears springing to my eyes. Ten months and I still couldn't accept it, still couldn't say it, and couldn't admit that they were gone. That they had left me with him. How could I have no one but him?

Edward Cullen, lawyer at Whitlock, Cullen, and Hale, had become good friends with my parents after they'd hired him to draw up some contracts years ago, before he was a partner. They didn't hire him to draw up their will, because I doubted he would have agreed to the role they put him in; guardian. I was the ward of Edward Cullen.

That's right; a man I barely knew at the time was to take care of me in case anything happened to them. I knew they didn't really think they would leave me, but they did, and now I was stuck. With him…a virtual stranger.

I understood that they trusted him, he was a wonderful friend to them, but he was an ass too…albeit a hot ass. Granted, I admit to being the biggest fucking brat I could be to him. I didn't know him, and my world was torn apart, you would be acting out as well.

There was a ton of confusion when he was called to the reading of the will, and there was genuine surprise when the news came out, both of us protesting. He only had to take care of me until I was eighteen, which was thirteen months from the reading of the will. We were in the home stretch.

I was certain he was going to be happy to get rid of me and back to his thirty something single life, banging girls whenever he could. His place was the epitome of a bachelor pad when I moved in. Not that it mattered; I spent most of my time locked in my room. I was a zombie to the world. Surviving but not really living.

I even applied to college for next year, only to get him off my back, and was accepted early, based on my excellent grades, to Arizona University.

The only immediate problem was, I'd be eighteen during my last year of high school, just a few months away, and I had no idea where I was going to live. But soon I'd be a senior in high school, living on my own.

Granted, I would come into some of my inheritance, and college was paid for, but I still had no home. Edward's was temporary and then we would go our separate ways.

We arrived at his place and as soon as we were through the door I headed to my room, but was stopped instead by a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, wait. We need to talk."

With a sigh I turned and flopped down on the couch. "What?"

"Can you stop being a brat for five fucking minutes?" he growled in agitation.

"Fine," I replied with a roll of my eyes.

"We need to start talking about your birthday. You'll be eighteen soon, and you need to start thinking about what is going to happen then," he said and I was suddenly pissed.

"Don't worry, Edward, I'll make sure I'm out of your hair," I spat and stood to walk away. "I know how you are counting down the days, until I can get my own place and you'll be rid of me forever."

I was halted by a hand on my arm, squeezing tight and making me face him.

"Damn it, Bella! Can't you just fucking talk to me without being a fucking bitch?"

"Why? That's what I am, isn't it? Why do you care, Edward? You want me out of your hair just as much as I want to d…"

"Don't! Don't you fucking say you want to die, Bella! Not again. Ever!" he growled, shaking me.

"Why not? What do I have to live for?" I asked, tears streaming down my face before my emotions took over and I began screaming. "They're dead! My parents are dead! I don't have anyone! No one! In a few months I'll be on my own and alone in this damn world!"

I tried to pry my arm away, tried to leave, but all movement stopped when his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight and kissing the top of my head. I was surprised, caught completely off guard, and I couldn't help but melt against him, the first contact I'd had in months. I didn't fight it, I couldn't, because I wanted it, I needed it, and maybe I knew I needed him.

"No, you won't be alone. You have me, Bella," he whispered.

I saw the pain evident in his features when I pulled back to look up at him.

Leaning down he pressed his lips lightly to mine and I gasped at the contact. It was electric, it was terrifying, the feelings it evoked and the sparks of life it sent throughout my body. I hadn't felt anything in so long it was somewhat upsetting.

I couldn't take the emotion in his stare or his declaration, and I freed myself before running to my room, slamming the door behind me. My back pressed against the door and I slid down to the floor, tears filling my eyes. My body shook from my frazzled nerves, the adrenaline pumping through my body from his unexpected words, and tender kiss.

Life was confusing for me at that moment, but I had a feeling it was about to get a lot more complicated.

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**Bit busy right now, so not able to work on ff, but wanted to give you all something. **


	2. Chapter 2

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**New story because I wanted to give you all something while I'm working on some other things.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 2

Another day. Another lunch at an empty table.

You could say it was my fault I didn't have friends anymore, because it really was all on me. I was just going through the motions, lost in the darkness. They tried to help, tried to get through to me, but eventually, one by one, they gave up. Even my boyfriend couldn't take it any longer, not that I blamed him. I wouldn't want to be tied to me either.

I played with the plate of mystery meat, not eating. I'd been doing a lot of that over the last year, to the point I'd dropped fifteen pounds. My eyes held dark circles beneath them, almost bruise like. I'd given up on my appearance long ago, not giving a shit. If I was dressed, that was good enough. Run a brush through my hair and done.

My mind had been obsessing all day about the kiss I shared with Edward. It was short, but it was filled with a spark that seemed to shock me. What did he mean when he pressed his lips to mine? It was all very confusing and I had no idea how to take it. I'd run away and hid in my room, not leaving for school the next day until he'd left for work, so I had no idea how he felt, or his reaction. Was it just a kiss goodnight that missed my cheek and landed on my lips? Or was it more?

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, but I didn't move. I didn't even attempt to think about going to my next class. The school year was over in a few days anyway, so what did it matter? I'd kept up my 3.8 GPA, despite everything, one class wouldn't hurt.

"Miss Swan, you need to head to your next class," Mrs. Wagner said, walking up to me, the rest of the cafeteria empty. She was my third period English teacher, and a kind woman.

"Do I?" I questioned, looking up at her.

I was tired of it all, tired of acting, trying to get through the day. She sighed and pulled out a chair, sitting next to me.

"Isabella, I know you've had a rough year," she began, but I didn't need another lecture about getting back on the horse, or whatever motivational speech she wanted to give me.

"I have to go," I said, cutting her off and standing, grabbing my messenger bag and flinging it over my shoulder as I stormed out.

I was tired of all the pity, all the lectures, all the tip-toeing around. One more year and it would be all brand new in college. Perhaps then things would be easier.

I walked out of the building and stared up at the bright sky. The sun always seemed to be shining, even on the day I buried my parents. It shouldn't have been that way. The sky should have been grey, the clouds opening up and pouring to the ground, just like my tears.

Those first few weeks were a blur, I didn't remember much. After the knock on the door, police officers… I don't remember what they told me, but they loaded me into the back of their cruiser. And then…and then I was at the morgue confirming the identities of Charles and Renee Swan.

I passed out in that cold room, only to come to in a hospital bed. Alone. It was something that I didn't realize at the time would become the norm. My grandparents were dead, my parents were both only children, so there was no one to take me in. I had no memory of who I stayed with that first week.

I woke for the briefest of moments at the reading of the will when he walked in. Edward. I thought he was there to read the will, imagine my surprise when I found out he was _in_ it. I freaked when they read I was to live with him until I turned eighteen; that they'd left me in a virtual strangers care. They'd left an allotted amount of money for care, all of it going to Edward to help cover my cost of living while I was with him. The rest of the money was put into a trust for my college and living expenses until I turned twenty one, when I would get full access of the amount.

My parents ran a successful business, and both had large life insurance policies, making sure I was taken care of financially. I just wished they'd thought more about the who.

I really was a kink in Edward's lifestyle. He had a girlfriend when I came along, but she couldn't deal with it all and left after a month. It didn't help that I was pretty out of control those first few weeks with him, before the numbness took hold. Before I shut down and cut off the world.

Everything was black, including the BMW that pulled up next to me.

"Isabella!" he yelled, clearly pissed.

I stopped walking, my vision clearing and I looked around, confused. Not only was I no longer on school grounds, I had to have been at least three miles away. My eyes met Edward's and I watched his move from anger to concern as he jumped out of the car and walked up to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Bella, ssh, it's okay, I'm here," he cooed and it was then I realized the tears that were streaming down my face.

I was losing it. Maybe it was time to take therapy seriously, because if I was blacking out now, who knew what was next?

"Come on, honey, let's go home," he said softly, directing me to the passenger side of the car.

_Honey? When did Edward start calling me that?_

How long had I been sleepwalking through life? Did episodes like this happen often?

"Where were you going?" he asked as he started driving.

"I…I don't know. I didn't even know I was walking," I admitted. Edward groaned, shaking his head.

"Have you stopped taking your meds?"

Fuck.

I tried to remember the last time I choked down my anti-depressant or my sleeping pills. Days? Weeks?

"Bella?"

"I don't know."

The rest of the drive was silent, except for my gasp when I noticed the time; it was almost five.

Edward guided me to a chair and sat me down. My head was in a fog.

"Where are you?" Edward asked, kneeling before me, hands resting on my legs, and I stared at him.

"I-I don't know. My head just feels…fuzzy," I replied, my gaze meeting his.

"Have you been sleeping?" he questioned, but I didn't respond, just looked around. His hands were on either side of my head. "Focus, Bella!"

I mirrored him, placing my hands in his hair, resting my forehead on his, trying to focus on him, but everything was disoriented. Being that close all I could think about was the night before and that small, almost innocent kiss.

I wanted to blame being whacked out on side effects from going cold turkey off my anti-depressants for what I did next. We were so close, I couldn't help angling my mouth down and pressing it to his. It was his turn to gasp in shock, then melt into me, but instead of releasing him I deepened the kiss, needing more. Edward's arms wrapped around me, pulling me down to him so tight there was no space between us.

For the first time in almost a year my body began to _feel_, as his tongue entered my mouth. I was lighting up with a need I'd never experienced.

And then it was gone. Edward let go, removing my hands from him, his eyes wild and filled with lust. I didn't have time to protest, not that I knew what to say, before he was on his feet and walking briskly away. I sat there, fingers touching my lips, still feeling the tingling from his. In fact my whole body was tingling, more so where he touched me.

He returned with two bottles and a glass of water in hand. Pouring one of each pill into his palm, he handed me the glass of water and medications.

"Cell phone," he said, holding out his hand. It wasn't a request, it was a demand.

I pulled my phone out and handed it to him as I swallowed the pills, their chalky taste bitter in my mouth. Edward was typing something in my phone and then he handed it back to me.

"You now have a daily alarm set for nine every night to remind you to take your pills. If this is what happens to you, it's too dangerous for you to forget," he lectured, but his voice was still low.

"Too dangerous?"

"Do you have any idea how worried I was, Bella? The school called me a little before three and told me you missed your last few classes. I spent almost two hours driving around looking for you and when I did finally find you, thank God, you were out of your fucking mind. You were a zombie walking around, Bella! What if you walked into traffic and were hit by a car? What then?" he vented, angry. Long gone the compassionate man who picked me up.

"Then we'd both be better off, right?" I shot back, which from the look on his face was a bad idea.

He grabbed my jaw, forcing me to look him in the eye. "Don't you fucking say that again. Don't ever imply that you dying would be a good thing for either of us! I'm sick of hearing that shit from you, and it will end now."

"Or what? You'll spank me?"

Something dangerous flashed in his eyes as they darkened. "Go to your room," he commanded.

I stood, wobbling a bit as I did, and trudged off, suddenly very tired.

"Bella," he called out, sighing. I turned to look at him; one hand was knotted in his hair, the other on his hip. "Try and take a nap, I'll call you when dinner's ready."

I nodded and continued my trek down the hall. Once there I took my clothes off, leaving only my tank top and panties on, and fell onto my bed.

The only thing I liked about my room was that it really was my room. Edward had it decorated and set up just like my room at home. All of my furniture and belongings. It was a sweet gesture, but I wish he hadn't. On the nights I woke from nightmares, I thought everything was okay. I thought I was home, that my parents were just down the hall. The nightmare that had become my life was just that…a living breathing horror story.

It happened a lot in the beginning. The time was hazy in my memory, like a dream, but I remembered more than once leaving my room and screaming, crying, confused. Edward was there in an instant with his arms around me, trying to calm me.

Strange, I didn't remember that, yet I could see it clearly. I knew I'd been distant, cold, and a bratty bitch to him. Maybe he wasn't the asshole I insisted he was; maybe he was actually the wonderful friend and confidant my parents always raved about. Perhaps he had only been so aloof and unfeeling recently because I had gotten on his last nerve, pushed him too far.

Sleep took hold, and I passed out. Edward never did wake me for dinner, but I did remember being stirred by light caresses to my cheek and a gentle kiss to my forehead.


	3. Chapter 3

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

A note: For the last few weeks myself and others, many of your favorite authors, have been attacked on FF and FB. This person says she has "polite criticism", but when has yelling, cussing, and threatening ever been "polite"? She is now going around to other authors and pm'ing this – "I have been reading on this site and recently have been giving my opinion on certain fics…such as ones by Catastrophia, twilover, jaxon22, NikiV, and a few others…I was met with hateful words and cruelty…then I tried to go on FB and explain myself only to be met with the same!"

Let me be clear that she instigated hate and cruelty against us and when she opened her first FB, she had a mission statement to "Save fanfiction from badly written fics", then proceeded to attack myself and others. It is one thing to have an opinion, it is another to set out on a crusade to tear people down. Do NOT force your opinion on others! People can think for themselves, and decide if they like something or not! I know my writing is not everyone's cup of tea, therefore, not everyone will like it. That's okay, but what she is doing is not.

I also believe she never read any of the stories she reviewed due to the vagueness of her rants. I've ignored her for weeks, despite her attempts to get to me react to one of her comments and her blaming me for being kicked off FB.

She has since continued to create new FB accounts and attack straight out of the gate, even bringing in Nikiv's six year old little boy. This person doesn't seem to think she is doing anything wrong.

Her "polite criticism" was so far against the TOS, FF tore it down from my review page.

Just be aware that there is someone trying to destroy your favorite stories and authors.

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Chapter 3

A week later I was free, gliding through the water again. School was out and I was left to my own devices, but I had no way besides my own two feet and a bike to get around. I had no car, not that I really wanted to drive, or honestly thought Edward would let me considering my daytime "sleepwalking" espisode, but it did make it inconvenient to get a lot of places.

The building Edward lived in had a pool, a very nice one, and I was alone. Then again, it was only nine in the morning. I decided to get in before everyone else arrived. I'd been threatened not to go back to my old neighborhood by pain of…well, he didn't really give a punishment. Then again, Edward had never given me a punishment. He would just yell, which caused me to yell back. I probably deserved it though.

What I really wanted was the ocean. A large expanse of water to swim through with boundaries that were miles away and people were few. To swim until I could swim no more. Find an empty island and make that my home.

Swimming was the only time I was free from my real life, from reality. Before they were gone I'd been on the swim team, winning many state titles. No more of that. I stopped swimming at a competitive level, only for enjoyment now, for moments of freedom from my own hell. When I dove in that crisp, cool water it felt like the turmoil in my head and throughout my body went away…at least temporarily.

My days at Edward's were numbered, despite what he'd said, and as much as I didn't want to think about what was next, the reality was I had too. He was only obligated to house me until my eighteenth birthday.

Did I want to buy a house, or get an apartment? I knew the amount coming to me could afford me a small little bungalow, but did I really want to live in a house all by myself? Apartments seemed like a waste of money to me; pay so much and have nothing in the end.

I would need a car by then as well, but even if I bought one there was no way they would clear me to drive with how I'd been blacking out lately. If I was to get into an accident due to that, I could kill someone, even myself, and be in a world of financial, legal, and emotional trouble.

Edward had only spoken a handful of words to me in the past few days, ever since our heavy kissing.

Later that day I found myself sitting in an uncomfortable chair, staring at the blond in front of me. Due to my "episode" last week I missed my therapy session and it had now been three weeks since I'd been in to see my psychologist.

"Isabella, how have you been feeling lately?" my therapist, Dr. Irina Denali, asked. "Edward tells me you've been blacking out, or maybe sleepwalking, and haven't been taking your meds."

I cringed and mentally flipped him the bird for tattling on me. "I forgot to take them."

"You really must take them every day. They're not beneficial if you do not use as directed," she lectured and pursed her lips. "Have you been swimming lately?"

"Yes."

"How does it make you feel?"

I rolled my eyes and stared at her. "Like I'm out of this hell you call life."

"Why don't you take this seriously, Isabella? I'm here to help you, but I can't if you won't help yourself."

"Because no amount of talking about it will change anything."

"No? So, you're just going to run around the rest of your life playing the orphaned victim? Blaming your parents?"

"It is their fault!" I raged, balling up my fists. "If they hadn't left me I wouldn't be here talking to you! If they hadn't died I would still be normal! And I would still have a fucking family!"

"But they are gone, and this is your life now," she noted, her arms open to the space around. "You need to accept this new reality and learn to live in it, because it isn't going to change. You need to be thinking about your future and what you want to do in life. You seem to be drifting in the sea, lost to the world, but you're right here in front of me. I'm not saying you should stop mourning their deaths, only that you should start living your life again."

"But I don't know how. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a deep pool trying to swim my way to the surface but the water just keeps getting deeper and deeper. Darkness closing in, sucking me down," I admitted, tears forming in my eyes.

"Start with something little," she suggested.

"Like what?"

"You love to swim, right?" she questioned. "And you were excellent at it." I nodded and waited for her grand idea. "Why don't you try to join the swim team again? Make this negative analysis you made, a positive. Get a sense of normalcy back in your life. You might be able to make some new friends or gain back some of your old ones. You just need to put in a little bit of effort. I know it's hard, but it will pay off in the long run."

I left her office with a tiny spark of hope that maybe my life wouldn't always be the hell I'd been living in. Perhaps she was right in that I just needed to get back on the wagon, so to speak, and start doing things I used to do, like the swim team.

I parked my bike in the garage, locking it up before hopping on the elevator and taking it up to our floor. Upon opening the door I found Edward dishing out some dinner.

"How was therapy?" he inquired as he handed me a plate.

"Good, I think."

His eyebrows rose. "I think I see a change, small as it may be. That's good."

"We'll see."

We ate in relative silence again, but afterwards we headed to the couch to watch a movie he'd rented. I curled up with a blanket on one end of the couch while Edward sat at the other. It was an interesting movie, but halfway through I began to get tired.

The motion was instantaneous; I didn't even have time to think about what I was doing. I laid down on the couch with my head resting on Edward's lap. It startled him, but he soon relaxed, resting one of his arms on my waist.

His warmth felt good, comforting. My head burrowed down into his leg and he stiffened beneath me, a small moan escaping his lips while his hand clenched into the fabric of my shirt. It was an interesting reaction, arousal, one I wasn't expecting. After a few moments he relaxed again, his hand trailing up my arm, making soothing motions against my bare skin.

Maybe my therapist was on to something, about getting back to the things I used to do. Because in those moments I realized the thing I'd been overlooking for so long.

I turned so that I was looking up at him. The movement caused his hand to skim my breasts, making my nipples pebble, and his attention to move from the screen down to me. He smiled at me, sweet and loving, his hand brushing away a stray strand of hair from my face. It wasn't the look of a parent to a child, I knew that one well. No. It was the look of a man to a woman.

All this time…I'd been overlooking Edward.

Reaching up I cupped the back of his neck, pulling him down as I sat up, placing my lips lightly to his. He nuzzled my nose and smiled softly as I moved back down.

I fell asleep there, in the calming comfort of Edward. Wondering when things had shifted and how long I'd felt a spark for my much older guardian.

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**Me and Mr. Cullen will be up in the next day or two!**


	4. Chapter 4

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**Enjoy!**

**To celebrate ItD becoming a featured fic on TWCS, I'm updating!**

* * *

Chapter 4

My therapist suggested I try out for the swim team again, in an attempt to get some normalcy back in my life. The school pool was open in the summer for practice. Tryouts in just a few short weeks.

The pool was empty when I arrived, the morning practice already over. I didn't want to swim with the team yet, uncertain how I would do with a year out of training. My fingers twisted in my hair to put it up in my cap. Next were my goggles, and once in place I climbed up on the diving block and got in to position. There was the ghostly sound of a referees whistle blowing in the air and I took off down the lane.

It was an easy pace at first as I warmed up, acclimating myself to the lanes again. There was peace in the water, but not as peaceful there as it was in the past. Memories came back, ghosts of the space haunting me.

One lap down, then two, then three. Pushing myself. Each time my head popped out of the water I could see the stands filled with cheering fans, my mother smiling and yelling to go faster. My dad beside her, his arms waving, like he was trying to help me along.

My feet pushed off the wall and I switched to a breast stroke, my forte. I'd won the state title with it after all, and as a sophomore. As I swam that day assaulted me, consumed me. They were so happy, I'd beaten all the records the state had for the event. It was good times.

Would Edward come to the events if I made the swim team? Would he be my new cheering squad, or would there be no one waving me on? No smiling faces for the orphan.

Fuck. Orphan. It was still hard to accept that word, that definition, applied to me. I came from a loving, unbroken home. It was by bad luck, a true accident that took them from me. There was no one to blame, no one to hate, but at the same time I was angry at them for leaving me alone. It was not the ideal situation, but the reality was…there was no ideal situation.

I still hadn't worked out where I was going to live come fall. Edward's pushing me to face my reality reminded me how much he wanted to get back to his life, the life I rudely interrupted.

Then what would I have? An empty place to call my own, but all alone? What kind of life was that? Maybe when I got to college, things would change. Perhaps I'd meet someone who made me want to live again. Someone to love me. Someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, that they were there for me and would protect me.

That was all I wanted in the black abyss, one tiny little ray of light.

A nagging tried to tell me I had that, if I wanted it. If I got better. If I made a move. There wouldn't be yelling anymore, just the soft smile and an electrifying kiss like we'd shared a few nights before.

_Edward._

"Breathe, Bella!" a voice shouted.

Breathe? Wasn't I already? With every other stroke I took a breath.

"Come on, Bella! Breathe!" he called again.

My limbs wouldn't respond, heavy like boulders weighing me down. I tried to breathe, just as he requested, but it was blocked. I began to cough, choking, and was turned on my side, water flowing out of my lungs.

I was disoriented and my eyes fluttered open to find Benjamin staring down at me, his dark eyes filled with fright. When did he get there and why wasn't I swimming?

"Oh, thank God!" he exclaimed, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Benjamin?" I questioned and he pulled me into him arms.

Familiar arms and a familiar scent. They should be. After all, he'd been my boyfriend for over a year; I'd even given my virginity to him. I'd loved him before everything fell away.

"The ambulance is on its way!" Another voice called, but he didn't let go.

The paramedics came and checked me out as they loaded me onto a stretcher. I tried to tell them I was alright, but they insisted seeing as Benjamin had to give me mouth to mouth. He rode with me, holding my hand the whole time. The EMT kept asking me questions, but my answers weren't matching up, and Benjamin had to keep correcting me. My address was one of them.

"No, she doesn't live there anymore," he said and the technician looked at him.

"Do you think she hit her head?" the man asked and Benjamin shook his head.

"I think she's just confused," he answered.

Once at the hospital we were separated while the doctors took a look at me. They couldn't do much, x-rays and such, without a parent or guardian, so they found I was stable and called Edward. Benjamin was allowed in while we waited.

It was awkward, but he held my hand as silence stretched between us.

"Thank you," I whispered, thinking it an appropriate but inadequate response for saving someone's life. Even though part of me wished he hadn't found me… That no one had found me.

"You're welcome," he replied, his thumb making soothing circles on my hand.

At that moment the door burst open and Edward stormed in, and he was pissed. He was about to tear into me, but stopped short upon seeing Benjamin.

"I, um, should probably go," Benjamin said, squeezing my hand then leaning forward to kiss my cheek, before nodding to Edward and heading out the door. Edward glared at him, watching, waiting until the door was closed.

"What in the hell were you thinking, Bella!" he roared, his body vibrating with anger.

"I don't know."

"I can't believe you," he began and I stared at him in confusion. "You talk a lot, but I never thought…I never thought you would actually attempt to kill yourself."

"W-what?" I sputtered.

"Are you actually going to tell me that wasn't a suicide attempt?" he accused.

"It wasn't!"

"Stop lying!" he raged.

"I'm not!" I yelled. "I don't know what happened! One minute I was swimming, the next I was puking up water with Benjamin over me."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Ask him yourself!"

"Is he your boyfriend?" he questioned, stopping in front of me.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have anything. You know that."

"What were you doing there all alone?"

"I was thinking of trying out for the swim team again, so I was training," I said, my voice just above a whisper. I hadn't told him, and it embarrassed me for some strange reason.

"Alone?" he asked disbelievingly. I nodded. He moved closer, his hands ghosting across my face, eyes glued to me with an almost frightening intensity before he let out a sigh of relief. His forehead rested on mine, something that was becoming a regular occurrence between us. "You know you shouldn't do anything alone until you stop having blackouts."

"But I'm always alone. I always will be alone," I argued, tears springing to my eyes, a sob threatening to escape. Didn't he see that yet?

"You have me, Bella," he stressed. I shook my head. I didn't believe him. "Yes, you do."

"For what, eight weeks? And you have work."

"It doesn't have to be eight weeks. You don't have to go, you can stay with me, but you have to make a decision. I can't make it for you."

"Why would you put up with me any longer than you have to?"

"I care about you, Bella. I want to help you get better. I want to see you smile again."

"Why do you want me to stay?"

His grip tightened, fingers twisting in my hair as his eyes scrunched in pain. "Bella…"

"Why?" I pushed, needing him to tell everything. Needing to hear the words.

"Because the thought of you not living with me tears me apart," he whispered against my lips.

I grabbed hold of his suit jacket and brought his lips down to mine. Desperation took hold and he pressed his lips to mine with a fierceness I hadn't felt before. So much that I sank back down on the bed, his torso looming over me as his arms wrapped around me. My mouth opened, welcoming his tongue. I let out a moan as the electricity moved strait down to my clit.

Want raged inside me and I pulled him closer.

"Bella," he whimpered, pulling away.

It was then a knock sounded against the door and his eyes widened, pulling his body away from mine.

I was released a few hours later once some tests came back concluding that I was fine.

Everything wasn't fine. It was changing, and I was beginning to believe the change was for the better.


	5. Chapter 5

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 5

EPOV

I laid awake in my bed going over the course of the past few days. I'd slipped, let it out, my feelings for her, my want for her. It hadn't gotten out of hand, but that day I was moments from taking her on that hospital bed, everything be damned. My need to feel her, the blood pounding in her veins below my fingertips, her heart racing. A desperation to feel life within her, knowing she was still there with more than just my eyes, but with my body.

Eyes can be deceiving, your mind playing tricks, but her body pressed against mine, lips caressing mine…she was real then.

I'd almost lost my mind when I got the call from the hospital saying there'd been an accident at the school pool. I was certain it was another attempt to kill herself, like six months prior, at Christmas, when I found her in the hall with a knife in her hand cutting at her arm. She'd been depressed beyond usual, her first holiday without them. Nothing I did helped her.

I felt my heart being pulled from my chest when I found her, her pain once again filling the space and contaminating everything. A black cloud surrounding her, unseeing eyes.

Tears were falling down her cheeks as I watched the knife skim across her skin. I freaked out, pulling the blade from her grasp, placing my hand over the new wound to stop the bleeding. Her empty eyes stared at me. "I don't feel anything," she whispered to me before passing out.

The doctors said none of the cuts were very deep, just enough to bleed everywhere, and it would have stopped before too long. She'd cut herself eighteen times before I found her, the cuts so close her arm was covered in blood, dripping onto the floor below.

They kept her for two weeks; suicide watch. She told the doctors she was just trying to feel something, anything, not kill herself. Just wanted to feel again. She didn't even remember any of it. She didn't remember much these days, except the pain and loss.

That wasn't true… In the last few weeks I could see her waking up from the walking coma she'd been in.

And when I touched her…when I kissed her, she gravitated closer, her eyes a little bit clearer, brighter. It was encouragement, which was a bad thing. In those moments she was getting better, and she wanted me as well.

I'd been fighting it since the reading of the will. The unknown string that grabbed hold, tethering my heart to hers, braiding itself together, binding me to her from the moment I walked into that office.

It both killed and excited me that Charlie and Renee had left her in my care. I met Charlie and Renee Swan my second year out of law school. They needed some contracts drawn up for their company. It was a medium sized accounting firm with about seventy employees, and they made good money.

The world went numb when I received the call that Charlie and Renee had been in a car accident. They were good friends of mine, had a young daughter. We were supposed to go to dinner together that weekend; we'd planned a double date.

The funeral was surreal, I didn't even remember it. The whole thing brought back traumatic memories of my own. I had to leave halfway through, unable to take it. I couldn't even check on their daughter, to see how she was doing.

A week later I was summoned to another lawyer's office for the reading of Charlie and Renee's joint will. It seemed odd for them to add me, but I went. There was someone already in the space, waiting. I hadn't seen Bella in almost three years, but I'd seen a few pictures. The girl sitting, staring at the floor, looking like her world was gone, was beautiful in her agony. She'd grown, matured, and in no way resembled a little girl. Her eyes were dead, her heart broken, making my own ache with hers.

I wanted to snatch her away, take her in my arms, and hide her away from the world and the reminders of her pain. The perverse side of me wanted to whisk her away to my bed and make her mine. She'd never be alone then. She'd have me. I'd make her smile again. I could heal her. I'd be her family.

My body was drawn to her, my own busted and broken heart belonged to her. My mind was at war, our age gap pulling against what every fiber of my being knew; that she was mine, she was meant for me.

Why was I so drawn to her? Was it because I saw a bit of myself in her? Because I knew her pain? I knew I needed to leave as soon as possible after the reading, just to get away from her so I wouldn't do anything rash.

That was when the sky fell. Their will stated that I would be Bella's guardian until she was eighteen. She was only sixteen fucking years old. She'd be seventeen soon, her birthday in a few short months, just after the start of her Junior year. I'd have her in my care for over a year.

I was a sick motherfucker.

That could be the only explanation.

A young girl who just lost her parents and I was thinking about making her mine?

Her eyes opened, focusing for the first time and she looked over to me. A pain flared in my chest like I'd been punched. I could feel her pain and my want colliding. The need to take her in my arms and protect her from the world was so strong if I'd been standing I would have fallen to my knees.

She'd been staying with another family friend, who helped me collect her things and get her in my car.

She was like a doll; moveable with unseeing eyes. You could talk to her, but ninety percent of the time she didn't answer.

The first weeks weren't easy.

I had been in a relationship for six months when Bella came to live with me. Lauren was a nice girl, but with the strange feelings stirring for Bella, I knew it wasn't going to last. I tried to make it work, we were good together, but it just didn't in the end.

Lauren couldn't take my attention being on any woman other than her. She didn't understand Bella and what was going on with her. No one could but me.

I did everything I could to make the transition easier on Bella, even setting up her bedroom just like her old one. That plan backfired a bit.

Her screams woke me in the middle of the night. Heart wrenching, all-consuming agony spilled from her tiny form. I rushed to her every time, wrapping my arms around her. Trying to give her any comfort I could, trying to keep her in one piece. She was shattering.

Every time I felt guilty for thinking about how perfect she fit in my arms. She was crying her eyes out and I was happy to comfort her.

I'd pretty much figured out that was why Charlie and Renee put me as her guardian. We were close friends, but they had closer. They knew I was the only one who would understand what Bella would go through if the unbelievable happened.

The only difference was that when my parents died I was twelve, and I had family that took me in. Bella had no family. No one…but me.

For months I watched her walk around like a zombie. Talking to her didn't help and the only time I was able to reach her was when she was breaking down in my arms. The sad thing was she didn't remember any of it. All of my soothing words and actions couldn't penetrate the darkness of her mind.

I had to take time off in the summer, when she was at her worst, to take care of her, she couldn't be left alone. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the doctors called it. She went through the motions of living, but her eyes still held the dead void I'd seen at the lawyer's office. I just couldn't penetrate it.

After four months, just before Christmas, right before she cut herself, I slapped her.

I didn't mean to, and I felt like shit afterwards, but I just couldn't take it anymore. She never even acknowledged my existence in her life. In the end it was a blessing and a curse. The slap woke her from her slumber, but in return I now had a raging bitch to contend with…when she was awake. I knew it was just her lashing out in pain and confusion. It consumed her.

There were two forms she held; the bitch and the sleepwalker, as I referred to them.

I loved the day when I walked into my office and had to explain that my ward threw a near psychotic fit and ended up giving me a black eye.

Social Services wanted to take her away and place her in a mental institution. Never going to fucking happen.

I knew what was wrong with her, and I also knew it would take time to fix her.

The sound of the handle on my door turning grabbed my attention and I stared at it as it creaked open. Never in a year had she come to me, and there she was, standing in the doorway in her little tank top and shorts. She said nothing, but padded across the hardwood floors. Her face was void as she lifted the covers and lay down next to me, but her eyes were bright. Not the dullness that had been the standard.

She curled into my side, her head resting on my naked chest and I lowered my arm from behind my neck to wrap around her, pulling her closer. Every part of me relaxed, warmth spreading through me, my fingers trailing up and down her arm, and I leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

Everything was silent and I began to finally drift to sleep, when one word escaped her lips and into the air.

"Home," she sighed and snuggled deeper.

I smiled and drifted off to sleep, feeling whole for the first time in almost twenty years.


	6. Chapter 6

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 6

I stared at the phone debating if I should do it. Edward forbade me to swim alone again after what happened, so I needed someone around until I was better, but was Benjamin really the right person? Especially since my feelings for Edward were growing at such a rapid rate, and given our past – mine and Benjamin's – should I be reaching out to him?

Edward had expressed so much emotion in the hospital, and when we got home, like he was really afraid to lose me. It shocked me so much that later that night I crawled into bed with him. Strange decision, but I felt the need to be close to him. Like I couldn't sleep without touching him.

When I opened the door he was awake, something I'd been afraid of, but he just watched me as I slid under the covers with him. An overwhelming feeling of serenity came over me when I laid my head on his bare chest, my hand resting over his heart. An emotion, a sense of security and peace washed over me. I'd found where I was supposed to be, my new home. Edward was home.

And I finally realized I wasn't alone anymore.

I knew then; Edward was everything.

When we woke the next morning he was wrapped around me as much as I was him. we were a cocoon of warmth and comfort to one another. His alarm went off and we both stretched, but didn't want to leave the bed and each other. Eventually Edward had to get ready for work, he gave me a kiss before heading out the door. I flopped back down on to his bed and snuggled into his pillow, falling back to sleep, surrounded by his scent, for a few more hours.

Today was different; I was up and ready to swim. With a deep breath I picked up the phone and dialed a number I hadn't called in a year.

"Hello?" the familiar voice of Benjamin answered.

"Hi, it's Bella."

There was a strange noise like the phone dropped before he was back on the line. "Bella, hi. What's going on?"

"I, umm, was wondering if you wanted to swim with me… I can't swim alone, as we found out the other day, and I need a partner; at least for the next several weeks."

"Yeah, yeah…I can do that. When, uh, when do you want to, umm, do that?"

Over the next few minutes we figured out a schedule of times to meet for the next few weeks that were close to times he was already there for swim practice. The conversation got awkward after that, we hadn't spoken in so long after all. Hell, we never officially broke up, it was just kinda a given with my mental state at the time.

We met at the pool two hours later, the first time in three days I'd gone swimming and I was itching to get in the water. I always felt good after a swim, and I knew it was helping with my healing.

Benjamin was waiting for me as I walked out, his dark eyes flying to me as I exited the locker room. He pushed off of the wall, his bronze skin was dry, but his jet black hair was still damp from his own practice.

"Hey," he said smiling. "How are you doing?"

"Good," I replied, fidgeting with my cap and goggles, tossing my towel on a nearby chair. "Thanks again…for the other day, and for doing this for me."

"No problem. I'm just glad to, well, see you talking again, and swimming. You look, uh, much better, Bella."

I smiled, he was always so sweet. "I never stopped swimming, except the first four or five months."

His eyes widened. "Then why…"

"I've never had a problem until the other day. I think it's this place. Too many memories here."

He nodded in understanding. "We don't have to do it here; there are other pools we can use."

"Yeah, I know, but I think it would be good for me."

Conversation stopped there, the awkwardness filling the space between us until there was suddenly no space at all. Benjamin stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his bare chest for a tight hug. The arms were familiar and warm, and I relaxed a little into that comfort. However, they didn't hold the sway and magnitude that Edward's did.

"I've missed you, Bella. So much," he admitted softly, pulling back and locking eyes with me. "I'm sorry, so very sorry."

"For what?"

"I wasn't strong enough to help you after your parents died," he replied, sadness lacing his tone. I couldn't help but cringe at the words, my chest tightening and the pain creeping in. "I tried to talk to you, but you were so far gone, broken. For months you just wasted away and there was nothing I could do."

"For months I left you," I whispered, swallowing hard. "Don't feel bad, please. You're right, I was so far gone. I'm sorry, Benjamin, that I put you through that."

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. What matters is that you're getting better. Maybe we can…" he trailed off, his fingers running up and down my forearm, confusion crossing his face. He looked down and my eyes followed down to the thin white lines in my skin. "I should have been there. I knew something was wrong when you didn't come back from Christmas break."

"I don't even remember… I don't remember much from the past year," I admitted, pulling back from him slowly. I didn't even remember how I got the scars on my arm. Every time I looked at them at home and tried to ask Edward, the question got caught in my throat at the expression on his face. Pain and terror filled the space between us and I couldn't bring myself to start up what was obviously a difficult topic of conversation.

With I sigh I raised my head and almost bumped into Benjamin. He was so close, hands on my upper arms, bodies close, and his face inches from mine.

"I never stopped," he whispered.

"Never stopped what?"

"Loving you." He leaned down, his lips closing in on mine.

Panic set in and I turned my head before stepping back. Loving me was bad, because I didn't love him, not anymore. I was pretty sure I was falling in love with Edward.

"I'm sorry," I began in a whisper. "Really I am, but I'm not her anymore…your girlfriend. I think she died with them. As you said, I'm broken. Busted in two. Fucked up beyond repair. You should move on, because I don't think I can be what you need again. Your friend, yes but not more."

I turned to look back at him, pain etched in his expression, but he nodded in understanding.

"I'm so sorry," I said again, reaching up and cupping his face. "You were so good to me, always, but I just can't go back there. I'm sorry, Benny."

"Me too," he replied and smiled at the nickname I'd given him long ago, then he cleared his throat. "So, umm, you should get swimming."

"Yeah. Thanks again…for doing this."

He shook his head. "It's no problem, really. The last thing I want is to feel the pain I did when I found you last week face down in a still pool."

I grimaced at the image he portrayed. If Edward knew he'd probably spin off into a panic attack. Maybe he'd already envisioned it and that was why he'd burst into the hospital room with such hysteria.

Visions swirled in my head as I swam, but when I tilted my head to take a breath I could see the blurry image of Benjamin sitting with his feet in the water, watching. It helped to calm down everything in my head, knowing he was there. He didn't know it, but just sitting there helped more than any drug I was on. His presence was reassuring, comforting.

After swimming laps for about an hour, I was exhausted; my body not used to being pushed for so long. Along with losing weight, I'd also lost stamina and muscle needed for competitive swimming.

Benjamin handed me a towel as I got out of the water. "Not bad form, but your lap times have really decreased."

"Yeah, I'm not in the best shape," I replied as I ran the towel around my body.

"Are you trying to join the team again?" he asked, pulling out a drink from a cooler I hadn't noticed and handing it to me.

I greedily gulped down the Powerade before replying, "I'm hoping to."

He shook his head. "I don't know. Right now, your times are at the bottom. Your body's in some pretty bad physical shape. You need to start eating again, and I mean a lot, and train every day to get anywhere close to where you used to be."

"I don't have to be number one again, just part of something."

He nodded. "If you're serious, I can talk to Coach. Tryouts begin in three weeks, that's not a lot of time."

"Thanks, but I want to talk to Coach myself," I replied, letting out a sigh. I hadn't been one for conversation in a year. In fact, besides Edward or Irina, my time with Benjamin that day was the most I'd spoken to anyone in a long time.

"I'll do anything you need to help you, you know that, right?" he questioned, hand beneath my chin, lifting it up so my eyes met his.

"Just knowing there is someone with me, who supports me and cares for me, helps more than you can imagine," I told him. "Thank you."

His expression softened, fingers caressing my cheek.

"I meant it, you know. I'm here for you, whatever you need, Bella, and I'll be waiting for you to get better. I'm not giving up hope for us."

A few minutes later I was on my bike heading home, thinking as I rode. Benjamin had surprised me with his declarations. I'd assumed he'd gotten over me like most teenage boys would have. They usually didn't have the patience to deal with a comatose girlfriend and move on.

It was almost six when I locked my bike up in the parking garage and headed to the elevator. As I rode in, I noticed Edward's car in his parking spot. My insides lit up and I was practically bouncing to get to the elevator. A need to kiss him, to feel his arms around me, erupted, startling me a bit, but not deterring my mission to get to him.


	7. Chapter 7

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, everything else is mine.**

**Thank you Midnight Cougar for beta'ing!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 7

"Where have you been?" Edward questioned before I'd even walked through the door. The open floor plan of his condo made the door visible from almost anywhere. He was by the stove, chopping up some vegetables.

I glanced up at the clock. The note I'd left said I'd be back by five thirty, and it was a few minutes after six. "I'm just a little late," I replied. I walked up to him and he turned toward me, opening himself up for my attack. My hands reached up and laced around the back of his neck, bringing his face closer to mine before pressing my lips to his.

He groaned into me, one hand moved to my lower back, pulling me closer to him. Every part of my body was tingling, flaming when our mouths opened and his tongue found mine. He let out a shuddering breath as he pulled away, his eyes a few shades darker than before.

"I was swimming," I said quietly. My kiss had softened the blow, but didn't change the outcome. His eyes cleared and panic set in.

"Alone?" he questioned; his voice on the edge of anger, waiting for my response.

I rubbed my hand on his chest in a soothing motion. "No, my friend Benjamin was there watching over me."

"Benjamin? Was he the one…" he trailed off, unable to say the words. The image Benjamin painted flashed in my mind, and I knew that was why Edward stopped.

I nodded. "Yes."

"Everything went okay, you didn't black out?" he grilled; both of his hands reaching up to cup my face, searching for something.

I was only beginning to understand Edward had feelings for me, romantic ones, but I hadn't figured out how deep they ran. There was still so much I didn't know about him. I knew he was a good man, caring, but his reactions at times were a bit extreme, leaving me wondering what happened to him.

Edward held a deep pain, much like my own. I knew he had a story to tell, I could feel that from him.

"Everything was fine. Having him there grounded my mind."

"Is he really the best person to help?" he asked, both worry and a hint of jealousy in his tone.

My gaze faltered; my head dropping. "I… There isn't anyone else."

He turned the burners off, an audible gulp as he nodded in understanding. "We need to talk."

"Okay." I slipped my hand in his and he squeezed it as we moved to the couch. His jaw was tight, expression serious, and it made me nervous.

"Bella… Fuck, I don't even know where to begin," he said, running his hand through his hair before looking at me. Confusion and anger filled his features. "We need to talk about your birthday, but I need to come clean, and it's difficult. There are selfish reasons I don't want you to find a new place to live when you turn eighteen."

"The money you get each month?" I questioned, the only reason I could see for his seriousness.

"Fuck, no!" he spat, then sighed in defeat. "I've only taken money from your parents' estate for your medications and medical co-payments."

I froze, staring at him. But that was part of the deal for him taking me in, money for my living expenses. "Where is that money then?"

"In a savings account under your name. I figured once you were better you could use it to buy a car, since the executor sold off your parents when he liquidated everything."

I shook my head. "Then I don't understand what you have to come clean about."

He took a deep breath, his hand reaching out to cup my face. "Because I'm a sick motherfucker. I'm fifteen years older than you and I've lost control keeping my hands off of you."

"But I want that, Edward. So much."

My hands cupped his face in return and I moved forward, over him, until I was straddling his hips. I firmly pressed my lips to his. It took a moment for him to respond, but when he did, my whole body relaxed into him.

What surprised me was when his arms wrapped around me, hands holding me, pulling me closer. I knew that touch. Memories flooded my mind of all the times he'd held me, soothed me, cared for me. I gasped tears filling my eyes as I stared at the loving man in front of me.

"Bella?" he questioned; his eyes full of concern, hand reaching up to cup my cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"For what?"

"For everything I've put you through. You've been nothing but patient and caring, haven't you?"

Recognition dawned in his eyes. "Do you remember?"

"Yes…no… It's almost like the wisps of a dream, fleeting, coming and going," I described.

His forehead rested on mine, hands caressing my back. It felt so good, so relaxing, and I sagged into his embrace, my head falling down to his shoulder. He pulled me closer, burying his head in my neck as I tangled my fingers into his hair.

"I want to stay with you," I whispered. "I want you."

His grip tightened on me before he pulled back, brushing my hair from my face.

I watched Edward's expression move from wide eyed shock to elation in about two seconds, then drifting into a soft, loving gaze. "Really?"

"More than anything. I want you," I stressed, running my hand down his chest, my hips dropping down and sliding against his hard length. I smiled, knowing he wanted me physically as well.

He groaned, shaking his head, his expression pained. "I'm your guardian, we can't…"

"For seven more weeks," I pointed out, my hips moving again. An overwhelming need took over, right at that moment.

"If someone finds out… Bella, I could get in serious trouble," he argued, warring with himself on whether or not to act on the desire within.

I nipped at his bottom hip. "I'm at the age of consent, and I consent to you making love to me."

A low groan rumbled through his chest, his hips arching up making me gasp as he hit my clit. He dipped his head back in the crook of my neck. When he pulled back his lips were on mine. It was euphoric, pure bliss, as he kissed me. I realized then he'd been holding back. There was so much that poured from him and into me; passion, desire, comfort.

While my arms gripped the back of his neck pulling him closer, my hips rotated to get the friction I craved. He groaned, one hand grabbing my ass as he pushed me down onto him.

My body burned and bubbled, his hips rocking against my core, an explosion of emotion and feeling mounting. I'd been so numb for so long I was now raw to the onslaught. A shuddering whimper rippled through me, stopping Edward's movements. He gazed into my eyes, need pouring out and I knew it wasn't just need for my body, but for me.

"Sorry, it's just…been so long…everything is very intense right now," I explained. "My emotions are so strong."

He nuzzled my nose and placed a light kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry, you're right." He moved to make space between us and fear ripped through me. I clawed at him, gripping him and pulling him tight until there was no space between us, my legs moving around behind him, ankles locking together at his lower back.

"That wasn't code for stop," I whispered into his neck. I didn't want to let him go, I couldn't let him go, now that I had him.

"I should though," he replied softly.

"Says who?"

He scoffed. "Society. You're seventeen, I'm thirty three."

"Fuck society, and I'll be eighteen in two months. Edward, I want to be with you, and not just for a night. What do you want?" I needed to know, feeling like I might explode as I waited for him to answer. My whole being was on the edge of cracking open with a divine light. Something deep inside me had awakened, my soul finding a like soul, its mate, in Edward.

His eyes burned with an intensity I could feel in my chest, my heart speeding up as he began to speak. "I want you. I want to be your home, your sanctuary, your strength, your family, your lover, the love of your life…whatever you'll let me be."

"I want all that as well. I want to be yours in every way."

"I also want you to get better. I need you to wake up, and stay awake," he added, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'll do it. I'll take therapy seriously; take all my meds for you."

He shook his head, eyes closed as he rested his forehead against mine. "No, sweetheart. You need to do it _for you_. I'm just an added bonus."

Tears welled in my eyes and I nodded. He was right, but I also wanted to get better for him. For us.

"I need you."

He held me tighter, my forehead still touching his. "God, you don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words from you, Bella."

"I'm sorry for being asleep for so long."

"I'm just happy you're awake now."

Another memory flashed through my mind, a gut wrenching view of Edward's tormented face as he tried to get me to respond to him, tears filling his eyes. I vowed then to do my best, because I never wanted to see that look on his face again.

With that resolve, I finally felt like I was finding my way to the surface.


End file.
